That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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