Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
