You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
