I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
