Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
