A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
