Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
