Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you had me at cake vodka
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
