I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
