Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
