he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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