Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I AM VODKA MAN
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize