it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
