I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
