Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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