remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
