i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
