dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
