Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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