What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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