am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
