Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
