Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
