im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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