i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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