I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
