Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
