My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
