He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's the barista slut.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
