You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
