What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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