You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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