The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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