oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am one with the molecules
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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