i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
whose ass print is on the piano?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
