That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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