dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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