I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
whose parrot is this?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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