I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
