That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize