I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
