There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
