Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
