a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
