words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
