Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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