Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
