Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
