Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
