Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
