Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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