I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
