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Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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