There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
