Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
