How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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