meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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