she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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