guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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