went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
