I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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