checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
