In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
