And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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