I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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