Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
