Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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