Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
