Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize