Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
