I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
