i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
