You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
