Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
