I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
