apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I need a burrito and a hug.
You pole danced in your parka.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
