She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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