What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize