It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
