I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
