apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
