he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
high people should be assigned attendants
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
